Pull Up A Chair

This is Post #6 (the final installment) in a series called The Invitation: Rethinking the Ask in Major Gifts

If you’re new to this, you can start with the first post in the series: 🎉 Let’s Party! 🥳

Over the past several weeks, we’ve been learning to see this work differently.

We started with a simple idea: the ask isn’t a pitch. It’s an invitation. And when it’s extended with care - to the right person, at the right moment - it can become one of the most meaningful parts of the work.

We looked at what happens when timing is off. How easy it is to move too quickly. To mistake capacity for readiness. And how even well-intended asks can create distance when a relationship isn’t ready to hold them.

We explored the quieter cost of getting it wrong. Not the obvious kind, but the subtle shift that happens beneath the surface. A little less openness. A little more hesitation. Momentum slows before it begins.

Then we stepped back and looked at the decisions that shape all of this long before an ask is ever made. The choices around time, travel, and attention. Learning to recognize when something is already in motion. Having the patience and confidence to step toward it.

And finally, we talked about the moment when things begin to change. When the conversation becomes shared. When a giver starts asking questions, imagining the future, and taking ownership of what could be.

Those are the moments when the ask is no longer something you deliver.

It becomes something you step into together.

And when you begin to see it this way, the work itself starts to feel different.

A seat at the table

At its best, this work is simple.

You’re setting the table. 

Not for everyone. 

For the right people.
At the right time.
For the right reasons.

You’re paying attention to who belongs.
Who’s ready.
Who’s already moving toward something meaningful. 

And when the moment is right, you extend the invitation.

What you start to notice

Over time, you become less hurried. Less concerned with getting the moment exactly right. More attentive to what’s actually happening in front of you.

You notice who’s leaning in.
Who asks thoughtful questions.
Who begins imagining the future out loud.
Who is already taking ownership of what could be.

You stop chasing people.
Instead, you create the conditions where generosity can emerge.

The best fundraisers I know carry themselves differently.

They’re relaxed in the relationship.
They respond quickly and with enthusiasm.
They’re quick to laugh. Quick to play.
They don’t take themselves too seriously.

But when the moment calls for it, they become clear. 

Grounded. Present. Able to name what’s true.

There’s a steadiness to them. A confidence that doesn’t need to prove itself.

Jason Bateman calls it “sexy indifference.”
If you know, you know.

You notice it when you’re with supporters and prospects.

People feel heard. Included. Invited. Sometimes even challenged in a good way - inspired to think differently.

They begin moving toward something meaningful, almost as if they’ve been offered a seat at the table. Like they belong there.

The kind of presence this requires

You’re not trying to force something into existence.
You’re learning to recognize when it already is happening.

You trust the relationship.
You trust the timing.
You trust yourself.

That’s the work.

A blessing for you

May you set the table with care.
May you recognize who is ready to take a seat.
And may you carry this work with clarity, confidence, and joy.

Let’s put this into action this week:

Choose three people in your portfolio.
Invite one.
Invest in two.

* * * * * * * * * *

If you haven’t explored the free resources I’ve created for major gift fundraisers, this is a great place to start:

• Follow me on LinkedIn for daily pro tips and reflections.
• Major Gift Fundraising MRI Scan - a short, story-based assessment to help you name your instincts and clarify your posture.
• JappaFry Writer - an AI tool shaped by 30+ years of real-world experience, teaching, and strategy.
• Breakthru Newsletter, Blog, and Podcast - ongoing reflections, conversations, and practical guidance for the work you care about most.

These resources are designed to meet you where you are - and help you move forward with clarity and confidence.

If you’d ever like to talk, you can always schedule a free introductory call. I'd love to get acquainted and hear what you’re navigating right now.

‍For organizations ready for more structured support:

‍You may not need a full-time development leader - at least not yet. Sometimes what’s needed is clearer thinking. Sometimes more consistent action. And sometimes, for a season, real leadership.Here are a few ways we can start building momentum together:

* Online Catalyst Course ($199) - A complete brain dump of 30+ years in major gift fundraising - the good, the hard, and the surprisingly joyful. Built around strong fundamentals, the sacredness, and yes, even the fun. Infused with insights from Henri Nouwen. Many who take this course find it gives them everything they need to build healthy, sustainable systems.

* Live coaching ($300-400 / 90 minutes) - Think of this as "brain rental". Focused, strategic, and highly practical. The kind of time that brings clarity quickly and creates real momentum.

* Laser-focused session ($99 / 45 minutes) - For one specific moment that matters - preparing for a high-stakes conversation, navigating an invitation, or working through a decision that needs clarity.

* Fractional Director of Development - For a small number of organizations, I step in more deeply - bringing clarity to your message, movement to key relationships, and structures your team can sustain long after I’m gone.
In the first 90 days, you can expect:

• clearer, more confident communication of your vision
• more meaningful engagement with top givers and prospects
• renewed movement in relationships that may have stalled
• simple, actionable next steps after each interaction
• a sharper sense of who is ready to be invited - and who is not

Most fractional engagements range from $2,500 - $7,500+ per month depending on the level of involvement.Not sure what kinds of support you need? I can point you to a simple Development Readiness Assessment -  just reply and let me know.

And don’t miss connecting with my colleague Ivana Salloum - she's wonderful and can help with scheduling, resources, and getting you where you need to go.

Thank you for the work you do. Truly.I’d love to hear what’s unfolding in your world - and how I can come alongside you.

‍