Acute Invitational Misalignment Syndrome (AIMS)

This is the Post #2 in a series called The Invitation: Rethinking the Ask in Major Gifts

If you’re new to this, you can start here with the first post in the series:  🎉 Let’s Party! 🥳

Over several weeks we’re exploring a different posture - one that reshapes how we approach the ask. When an invitation is extended at the right moment, to the right person, for the right reasons, something shifts. The work feels lighter. More human. Even energizing.

I’d love to hear how this is landing for you. What are you noticing? What’s working? What still feels uncertain? Hit reply - I’d love to hear from you.

Let’s keep learning together.

If you’re a major gift fundraiser, you’ve felt it before. That moment just before the ask, when something in you pauses.

It’s subtle. A question rises but goes unasked. A detail you realize you don’t quite have. An awareness that you’re about to move the conversation somewhere they haven’t gone yet.

It’s easy to override it - especially when the meeting is already in motion. We might label that as fear. More often, it’s something more trustworthy.

It’s awareness.

In a short novel I wrote recently, there’s a scene where a fundraiser named Elijah is sitting in a performance review.

His leader scans the numbers and says: “You’re pacing behind. Way behind. You were hired to build revenue.”

Elijah doesn’t argue. He simply responds, steady and calm:

 “I’m building relationships.”

The response?

“I don’t need a TED Talk. I need results.”

It lands with a thud because his boss is not entirely wrong.

That pressure is real

Quarter-end goals. Leadership expectations. A portfolio filled with people who clearly could give.

The desire here is not harsh. It’s quite reasonable and practical.

Let’s see if there’s something there.
It’s worth a conversation.
They’ve been around for a while.

All of that can be true… and still be premature because the truth is that we’re trying to get an ask on the table.

A better next step might sound like this: I’d like one more conversation focused on their story before we move toward an ask. It’s far better to move an invitation forward when you see alignment with their giving passion and history.

Later in the story with Elijah, he sits at his desk with a couple’s profile open in front of him.  He pauses and runs through a simple set of questions:

Do I know both spouses?
No.

Do I know a key milestone in their life?
No.

Do I know their charitable passions?
No.

Have we talked about their giving recently?
Not even a little.

Do I know what brings them joy in giving?
…nope.

Five questions. Five blanks.

He has a clarifying realization: There isn’t enough here - not even close - to hold an invitation.

That’s the tension

The capacity is still there. On paper it still looks like a strong opportunity. None of that has changed.

So what do you do? 

Some of us move forward anyway. Not because we’re being careless - but because we’re being pushed.

This is when you must remember:

Capacity is loud.
Readiness is quiet.

One way to tell the difference is to ask a simple question: Who is carrying the momentum right now? 

If it’s all coming from you - your follow-ups, your ideas, your urgency -  it might not be time yet. When you misplace the source of momentum, it’s easy to mistake capacity as readiness.

Strong relationships leave clues.

They’re not hard to spot.
Are they curious?
Are they initiating?
Are they asking about impact, timing, involvement?

If those signals aren’t there yet, the invitation isn’t ready.

Back to Elijah. 

Five “no’s” on the SToR tool are staring at him. No ambiguity. No grey area.

So he does something simple: He sends an email. An invitation to grab coffee. No agenda. No attachment. No subtle turn toward a proposal. Just curiosity.

It’s a small step - but an intentional one. It strengthens the relationship - without asking it to carry more than it can.

That is the work.

And sometimes it means holding steady in the face of pressure around you. It can feel like resistance. Like you’re slowing things down.

What you’re doing is translating reality:

There’s real potential here.
We just need more steps before we invite them in.

Not every moment is ready for an invitation.
Not everyone belongs at the table yet.

Sometimes that next step isn’t a meeting at all. It’s sending an article that makes you think of them while reading. Making an introduction. Or asking a question you’ve been holding back: “What’s been most meaningful to you in your giving lately?”

Small movements like these reveal readiness - without forcing it.

I remind myself regularly that timing isn’t something I control. But it is something I can learn to recognize.

Left unattended, Acute Invitational Misalignment Syndrome compounds quietly over time.

So…
May you trust the hesitation that keeps you honest.
May you have the courage to name what’s real - even when there’s pressure to move faster.
And may your invitations come at the moment they can actually be received.

Let’s put this into motion today:

Choose three people in your portfolio.
Invite one.
Invest in two.

* * * * * * * * * *

If you haven’t explored the free resources I’ve created for major gift fundraisers, this is a great place to start:

• Follow me on LinkedIn for daily pro tips and reflections.
• Major Gift Fundraising MRI Scan - a short, story-based assessment to help you name your instincts and clarify your posture.
• JappaFry Writer - an AI tool shaped by 30+ years of real-world experience, teaching, and strategy.
• Breakthru Newsletter, Blog, and Podcast - ongoing reflections, conversations, and practical guidance for the work you care about most.

These resources are designed to meet you where you are - and help you move forward with clarity and confidence.

If you’d ever like to talk, you can always schedule a free introductory call. I'd love to get acquainted and hear what you’re navigating right now.

‍For organizations ready for more structured support:

‍You may not need a full-time development leader - at least not yet. Sometimes what’s needed is clearer thinking. Sometimes more consistent action. And sometimes, for a season, real leadership.Here are a few ways we can start building momentum together:

* Online Catalyst Course ($199) - A complete brain dump of 30+ years in major gift fundraising - the good, the hard, and the surprisingly joyful. Built around strong fundamentals, the sacredness, and yes, even the fun. Infused with insights from Henri Nouwen. Many who take this course find it gives them everything they need to build healthy, sustainable systems.

* Live coaching ($300-400 / 90 minutes) - Think of this as "brain rental". Focused, strategic, and highly practical. The kind of time that brings clarity quickly and creates real momentum.

* Laser-focused session ($99 / 45 minutes) - For one specific moment that matters - preparing for a high-stakes conversation, navigating an invitation, or working through a decision that needs clarity.

* Fractional Director of Development - For a small number of organizations, I step in more deeply - bringing clarity to your message, movement to key relationships, and structures your team can sustain long after I’m gone.
In the first 90 days, you can expect:

• clearer, more confident communication of your vision
• more meaningful engagement with top givers and prospects
• renewed movement in relationships that may have stalled
• simple, actionable next steps after each interaction
• a sharper sense of who is ready to be invited - and who is not

Most fractional engagements range from $2,500 - $7,500+ per month depending on the level of involvement.Not sure what kinds of support you need? I can point you to a simple Development Readiness Assessment -  just reply and let me know.

And don’t miss connecting with my colleague Ivana Salloum - she's wonderful and can help with scheduling, resources, and getting you where you need to go.

Thank you for the work you do. Truly.I’d love to hear what’s unfolding in your world - and how I can come alongside you.

‍