The Shape Of Love
One of my favorite moments in the Gospels is tucked into Mark chapter 10.
A wealthy man approaches Jesus with a question: What must I do to inherit eternal life?
The conversation is brief. The man gives all the right answers. He’s lived a disciplined, moral life. By most measures, he’s done everything well. Then Mark records a single sentence that has become a game changer for me:
Jesus looked at him and loved him.
Before the invitation. Before the hard truth. Before the man walks away. Jesus looked at him and loved him.
I come back to that scene often because it has quietly become a prayer for my own work. Most mornings I ask, Creator, grant me as much love and compassion as I can bear for the people I’ll meet with today. Help me to look at them and love them.
It’s a big prayer. The people we meet in major gift fundraising often carry enormous complexity. They have influence, resources, pressure, responsibility. They’re moving quickly. They’re not always easy to slow down with. Not always easy to understand. Not always easy to reach. Yet they’re precisely the people Jesus spoke about with such urgency because the invitation before them was so costly.
Is that what we hope for? Not simply that someone makes a gift, but that they discover what the Apostle Paul called “the life that is truly life”. A life marked by generosity. By openness. By a willingness to loosen our grip.
When I remember this, fundraising feels different. I’m not trying to secure a transaction. I’m accompanying someone toward a different way of living. And I don’t think we can do that consistently without genuine love.
It’s a love that quietly wants good for another person, regardless of how they respond. It doesn’t announce itself. It appears in ordinary moments.
Reaching out to someone you haven’t spoken with in years.
Following up a conversation.
Introducing two people when there’s nothing to gain.
Letting someone say no without tightening your grip.
Lately I’ve found myself thinking about people I’ve known over the years. A couple in North Carolina. A man in Portland. A young tech entrepreneur in San Francisco. A fast-moving political operative in Washington, D.C. People I’ve had the privilege of knowing, even briefly.
The question I’ve been asking myself is simple: What would it look like to reach out, not because of what they might contribute, but because I genuinely want to bless them?
Some won’t respond. Some will be cautious. Some will be too busy. Some simply won’t be interested. But none of that changes the posture. Love, in this sense, isn’t dependent on the outcome. It’s something we bring with us before the conversation ever begins.
I’ve started trying this - just a few people each week. No agenda. Just connection. If you give it a try, I’d genuinely love to hear how it goes.
This brings to a close a four-part reflection. If you haven’t seen the previous reflections, click on these links about the shapes of service, quality, and competition.
Service keeps us close to the person.
Quality keeps us close to the work.
Competition reminds us that we are not alone.
Love shapes how all of it is expressed. Without it, the work becomes mechanical. With it, something altogether different becomes possible.
And so I leave you with the question I’m still learning to live into: What would it look like to consistently look at the people in front of me and love them?
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If you haven’t explored the free resources I’ve created for major gift fundraisers, this is a great place to start:
- Follow me on LinkedIn for daily pro tips and reflections.
- Major Gift Fundraising MRI Scan - a short, story-based assessment to help you name your instincts and clarify your posture.
- JappaFry Writer - an AI tool shaped by 30+ years of real-world experience, teaching, and strategy.
- Breakthru Newsletter, Blog, and Podcast - ongoing reflections, conversations, and practical guidance for the work you care about most.
These resources are designed to meet you where you are - and help you move forward with clarity and confidence.
If you’d ever like to talk, you can always schedule a free introductory call. I'd love to get acquainted and hear what you’re navigating right now.
For organizations ready for more structured support:
You may not need a full-time development leader - at least not yet. Sometimes what’s needed is clearer thinking. Sometimes more consistent action. And sometimes, for a season, real leadership.Here are a few ways we can start building momentum together:
* Online Catalyst Course ($199) - A complete brain dump of 30+ years in major gift fundraising - the good, the hard, and the surprisingly joyful. Built around strong fundamentals, the sacredness, and yes, even the fun. Infused with insights from Henri Nouwen. Many who take this course find it gives them everything they need to build healthy, sustainable systems.
* Live coaching ($300-400 / 90 minutes) - Think of this as "brain rental". Focused, strategic, and highly practical. The kind of time that brings clarity quickly and creates real momentum.
* Laser-focused session ($99 / 45 minutes) - For one specific moment that matters - preparing for a high-stakes conversation, navigating an invitation, or working through a decision that needs clarity.
* Fractional Director of Development - For a small number of organizations, I step in more deeply - bringing clarity to your message, movement to key relationships, and structures your team can sustain long after I’m gone.
In the first 90 days, you can expect:
- clearer, more confident communication of your vision
- more meaningful engagement with top givers and prospects
- renewed movement in relationships that may have stalled
- simple, actionable next steps after each interaction
- a sharper sense of who is ready to be invited - and who is not
Most fractional engagements range from $2,500 - $7,500+ per month depending on the level of involvement.Not sure what kinds of support you need? I can point you to a simple Development Readiness Assessment - just reply and let me know.
And don’t miss connecting with my colleague Ivana Salloum - she's wonderful and can help with scheduling, resources, and getting you where you need to go.
Thank you for the work you do. Truly.I’d love to hear what’s unfolding in your world - and how I can come alongside you.
