🎉 Let’s Party! 🥳

This is the first post in a new series: The Invitation: Rethinking the Ask in Major Gifts

The ask is my favorite part of major gift fundraising.

I know - that sounds counterintuitive - but stay with me.

Over the next several weeks, I want to explore a different posture. One that shifts how we think about the ask entirely.

👀 Because the ask isn’t a push.
🗣️ It isn’t a pitch.

And if we’re honest, none of us really enjoy it when it feels that way.

But when the ask becomes an invitation - extended at the right moment, to the right person, for the right reasons - something changes.

It feels lighter.
Clearer.
Even…energizing.

If you’re willing, I’d love for you to bring your voice into this. Just hit reply and tell me what you’re seeing. What’s working. What’s hard.

Let’s keep learning together.

Recently, I was sitting at my sister’s kitchen table, listening as my niece and nephew planned a murder mystery party.

There was no hesitation. No second-guessing.

Just energy.

“We have to cast Jared as the dramatic wife.”
“Oh my goodness… Dad should totally play Elvis.”
“Wait - this guy asked if he could come. Should we invite him?”

They kept going, building the guest list outloud.

By the time they were done, they had invited 20 friends.

Every single one said yes.

Within minutes of sending the invitation, their group chat lit up - 70 messages in 15 minutes.

Here’s what struck me:

They weren’t trying to convince anyone to come.
They were building something so good… people wanted in.

Now contrast that with how most of us approach the ask. 

We hesitate.
We hedge.
We feel like we’re interrupting.

Somewhere along the way, we start believing: I’m an annoyance.

And everything shifts.

The ask becomes awkward.
Transactional.
Just slightly off-balance.

An ask feels wrong when the relationship is still thin - when the giver hasn’t even begun to wonder about their role.

An ask feels right when the relationship is strong - and they’re already inquiring about how they can come alongside.

That’s it. Not a script. Not a technique. 

A signal.

Back at that kitchen table, they were doing something we often forget in fundraising: They were protecting the experience. 

They wanted people there who would love it.
Who would lean in.
Who would play their role fully.

They weren’t asking, “Who can we get to say yes?”

They were asking, “Who belongs here?”

That’s the work

You’re not extracting a gift. You’re extending an invitation.

And if it feels like you’re putting someone out…pay attention to that. You may be inviting them too soon. Or to the wrong thing.

I’ve seen the opposite too.

A giver once said to me: “Money isn’t the issue… but I might be limited in time.”

That’s a ready person. Not pressured. Not persuaded. Aligned. And clear about about what their involvement can actually look like.

Fundraisers are dream weavers

We get to help the magic of mission take shape in real lives.

But that kind of magic doesn’t come from urgency or persuasiveness. 

It comes from the right people, gathered at the right table, at the right time.

Who are you genuinely excited to invite right now?
And who isn’t ready for the table - yet?

Here’s my encouragement for you this week:

May you have the clarity to recognize who is ready.
May you have the restraint to wait when they’re not.
And may you experience the joy of inviting people into something they were already hoping to say yes to.

And if you want to put this into motion today:

Choose three people in your portfolio.
Invite one.
Invest in two.

* * * * * * * * * *

If you haven’t explored the free resources I’ve created for major gift fundraisers, this is a great place to start:

• Follow me on LinkedIn for daily pro tips and reflections.
• Major Gift Fundraising MRI Scan - a short, story-based assessment to help you name your instincts and clarify your posture.
• JappaFry Writer - an AI tool shaped by 30+ years of real-world experience, teaching, and strategy.
• Breakthru Newsletter, Blog, and Podcast - ongoing reflections, conversations, and practical guidance for the work you care about most.

These resources are designed to meet you where you are - and help you move forward with clarity and confidence.

If you’d ever like to talk, you can always schedule a free introductory call. I'd love to get acquainted and hear what you’re navigating right now.

‍For organizations ready for more structured support:

‍You may not need a full-time development leader - at least not yet. Sometimes what’s needed is clearer thinking. Sometimes more consistent action. And sometimes, for a season, real leadership.Here are a few ways we can start building momentum together:

* Online Catalyst Course ($199) - A complete brain dump of 30+ years in major gift fundraising - the good, the hard, and the surprisingly joyful. Built around strong fundamentals, the sacredness, and yes, even the fun. Infused with insights from Henri Nouwen. Many who take this course find it gives them everything they need to build healthy, sustainable systems.

* Live coaching ($300-400 / 90 minutes) - Think of this as "brain rental". Focused, strategic, and highly practical. The kind of time that brings clarity quickly and creates real momentum.

* Laser-focused session ($99 / 45 minutes) - For one specific moment that matters - preparing for a high-stakes conversation, navigating an invitation, or working through a decision that needs clarity.

* Fractional Director of Development - For a small number of organizations, I step in more deeply - bringing clarity to your message, movement to key relationships, and structures your team can sustain long after I’m gone.
In the first 90 days, you can expect:

• clearer, more confident communication of your vision
• more meaningful engagement with top givers and prospects
• renewed movement in relationships that may have stalled
• simple, actionable next steps after each interaction
• a sharper sense of who is ready to be invited - and who is not

Most fractional engagements range from $2,500 - $7,500+ per month depending on the level of involvement.Not sure what kinds of support you need? I can point you to a simple Development Readiness Assessment -  just reply and let me know.

And don’t miss connecting with my colleague Ivana Salloum - she's wonderful and can help with scheduling, resources, and getting you where you need to go.

Thank you for the work you do. Truly.I’d love to hear what’s unfolding in your world - and how I can come alongside you.

‍