The Shape Of Service
(I was sitting with a giver friend recently. No agenda. No next step I was trying to create. Just a chance to catch up and stay connected to what’s happening in his life and the people he cares about. We talked about family. Work. Giving. And a few other things that had his attention.
At one point, I mentioned that I’m always available as a resource for the causes he supports, especially when I can be helpful without adding cost or complexity. A few weeks later he reached out.
He asked if I’d be willing to spend some time with a missionary friend of his who needed guidance. I agreed, and he made the introduction after sending me a short note: “So love your heart, brother.”
I met with his friend and gave him my full attention. We talked through his situation, sorted out a few next steps, and agreed to stay in touch.
Afterward, I sent a quick text to let my friend know how it went. He response was simple: “Means a lot that you would take that time with him. Thank you so much.”
I paused when I read it, because in that moment, something struck me. He was serving me. He respected my time. He valued my experience. He trusted me enough to make the introduction.
And I was serving him. The relationship had moved in both directions. There was a relational mutuality to it.
What Happens When Someone Entrusts Something To You
Service begins with taking a person’s charitable intent seriously. It requires attention to what is already present in their life.
What are they drawn toward?
Who do they care about?
What conversations are already happening?
In this case, I could have just made the connection, checked in briefly, and moved on. On paper, that would have been enough. Instead, I chose to engage his missionary friend with the same level of care I would give to him.
People notice what happens when they entrust something to you. The signals are subtle, but they accumulate. This becomes especially important with connectors who are helping you build new relationships with prospective givers.
When someone introduces you to a relationship that matters to them, they’re extending trust in a very practical way. Their credibility is attached to that introduction. Their relationship is attached to it. In many ways, their name travels into the room before you do.
So when you don’t close the loop and let them know how it went, momentum leaks. The energy that was present at the beginning doesn’t quite return. The next introduction requires a little more thought. A little more caution.
But when the loop is closed with care, the opposite happens. The connector knows what became of the relationship. They feel included. They know their trust was handled well. And future opportunities emerge naturally.
It’s a small act of service, but those small acts compound.
Four ways we lead as major gift fundraisers
Lately I’ve been thinking about the different ways we tend to lead in this work, and four words keep coming to mind: Service. Quality. Competition. Love.
I find myself wanting a healthier balance of all four. Together, they create an orientation that quietly shapes how we show up in conversations, decisions, and follow-through.
Service keeps bringing us back to the other person.
Their interests.
Their timing.
Their concerns.
Their opportunities.
It shows up in how we listen, how we respond, and how we handle what is entrusted to us.
Quality pays attention to the standard of the work itself. Clear communication. Thoughtful preparation. Careful execution. A commitment to doing things well, even when no one is watching.
Competition, in its original sense, is a shared pursuit. To strive alongside others toward something worthwhile. At its best, it pushes us toward excellence. The “competitors” around us help us see blind spots, challenge assumptions, and close the gap between what we know and what we actually do.
And beneath all of it is Love. Love shapes how service is expressed. It sustains quality when nobody notices. It keeps competition from becoming self-serving. It shows up in the willingness to remain attentive, to give time where it is needed, and to receive what comes back without trying to control it.
I’ll spend more time with each of these ideas in the coming weeks. For now, service is the right place to begin, because it brings us back to the work we do: reaching out to people to build relationships, listen to and understand their passions, and rally resources for amazing causes.
What we do with what matters to someone reveals more than we realize. It becomes one of the essential ways we lead.
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If you haven’t explored the free resources I’ve created for major gift fundraisers, this is a great place to start:
- Follow me on LinkedIn for daily pro tips and reflections.
- Major Gift Fundraising MRI Scan - a short, story-based assessment to help you name your instincts and clarify your posture.
- JappaFry Writer - an AI tool shaped by 30+ years of real-world experience, teaching, and strategy.
- Breakthru Newsletter, Blog, and Podcast - ongoing reflections, conversations, and practical guidance for the work you care about most.
These resources are designed to meet you where you are - and help you move forward with clarity and confidence.
If you’d ever like to talk, you can always schedule a free introductory call. I'd love to get acquainted and hear what you’re navigating right now.
For organizations ready for more structured support:
You may not need a full-time development leader - at least not yet. Sometimes what’s needed is clearer thinking. Sometimes more consistent action. And sometimes, for a season, real leadership.Here are a few ways we can start building momentum together:
* Online Catalyst Course ($199) - A complete brain dump of 30+ years in major gift fundraising - the good, the hard, and the surprisingly joyful. Built around strong fundamentals, the sacredness, and yes, even the fun. Infused with insights from Henri Nouwen. Many who take this course find it gives them everything they need to build healthy, sustainable systems.
* Live coaching ($300-400 / 90 minutes) - Think of this as "brain rental". Focused, strategic, and highly practical. The kind of time that brings clarity quickly and creates real momentum.
* Laser-focused session ($99 / 45 minutes) - For one specific moment that matters - preparing for a high-stakes conversation, navigating an invitation, or working through a decision that needs clarity.
* Fractional Director of Development - For a small number of organizations, I step in more deeply - bringing clarity to your message, movement to key relationships, and structures your team can sustain long after I’m gone.
In the first 90 days, you can expect:
- clearer, more confident communication of your vision
- more meaningful engagement with top givers and prospects
- renewed movement in relationships that may have stalled
- simple, actionable next steps after each interaction
- a sharper sense of who is ready to be invited - and who is not
Most fractional engagements range from $2,500 - $7,500+ per month depending on the level of involvement.Not sure what kinds of support you need? I can point you to a simple Development Readiness Assessment - just reply and let me know.
And don’t miss connecting with my colleague Ivana Salloum - she's wonderful and can help with scheduling, resources, and getting you where you need to go.
Thank you for the work you do. Truly.I’d love to hear what’s unfolding in your world - and how I can come alongside you.
