Around The Table
This is post #8 of The Clear-Eyed Series: An Exit Strategy from Confusion
If you’re new here, you can start with the first post: “What Counts as a Good Week in Major Gift Fundraising?”
Over several weeks we’re taking a clear-eyed look at the work itself - a steady way of orienting ourselves when anxiety starts to creep in.
And if you’ve been around for a while, consider this your weekly invitation: slow down, take stock, remember what the work really is.
Not long ago, I sat across the table from a couple who have been generous partners for several years. I wasn’t there to make an ask. There was no proposal on the table. No plan to outline anything new.
Instead, over dinner, we talked about their story.
I reminded them of the first step they took.
The questions they wrestled with.
The risks they chose to embrace.
The lives changed because they leaned in when it would have been easy to stay on the sidelines.
I simply told their story back to them.
They grew quiet and smiled. At that moment, something settled in. They felt seen in a way that rarely happens.
That meal was deeply fulfilling. It reminded me that this work is meant to feel that way. Major gift fundraising, at its best, carries that kind of fulfillment.
When Joy Leaves the Work
When joy slips out of this work, something essential goes with it. Everything tightens. What once felt like a privilege begins to feel heavy - even dreaded.
A fundraising strategy without a sense of humor eventually turns into drudgery. But the healthiest development efforts I’ve ever been part of never felt like that.
They had laughter in them.
Long meals that lingered.
Stories told and retold until they became shared history.
Gentle teasing.
Words of blessing offered freely.
You’d see it around the table - spouses leaning in, adult children asking questions, conversations stretching across generations. There was an ease to it. An extended-family kind of energy.
That really matters. It’s what happens when genuine human connection is built slowly, over time.
When you begin to see people that way, you show up differently.
You ask about their family and friends - and actually want to know the answer.\You stay curious about their work, their communities, their lives.
You stay curious about their work, their communities, their lives.
That kind of enjoyment changes the work. Teams lose something important when playfulness disappears.
Staff meetings grow tense.
Metrics turn into weapons.
Even the best systems start to feel like obligation instead of opportunity.
Everyone can tell. People know the difference between real joy and forced fun. They feel it immediately. Manufactured enthusiasm doesn’t inspire - it drains. It feels hollow.
But real joy is unforced. It’s what makes discipline sustainable.
Celebrate What Builds Health
If you want to cultivate joy in this work, start here: celebrate the right things.
Not just outcomes. Not just closed gifts.
Celebrate the steady, often unseen activity that actually builds health.
Celebrate the consistent reach-outs - the ones that happen on ordinary Tuesdays.
Celebrate thoughtful networking that doesn’t have an immediate payoff.
Celebrate clean, well tended systems.
Notice the colleague who followed up when no one was watching.
The one who stayed patient for eighteen months when it would have been easier to push.
The team member who strengthened a connector relationship that will matter later.
Call it out. That’s the work that builds something durable.
This is where specific words of blessings become leadership gold. Not vague encouragement. Not surface-level praise.
You have a gift for staying present with people.
I love how consistently you follow through.
You make connecting feel natural and generous.
You were built for this!
Those kinds of compliments land. They stick. They begin to shape how someone sees themselves - and how a team understands what matters most.
Over time they form a culture. And that, more than anything else, determines whether this work feels heavy…or deeply alive.
A joyful development team is not unserious. It knows exactly what it’s doing. It is clear about activity, understands what each person is responsible for, and honors disciplined system.
So when joy consistently feels absent, it’s worth paying attention.
If your strategy feels heavy all the time, something is off.
If your meetings never include laughter, something is off.
If your relationships feel transactional instead of relational, something is off.
Those are signals - invitations to recalibrate.
It happens around tables.
That is where stories are shared. Trust deepens. And over time, people begin to feel known. That’s the work underneath the work.
So this week, stay close to what matters.
Enjoy the people in front of you.
Tell someone their story back to them.
Offer a specific word of blessing.
Celebrate the connecting activity already happening around you.
And as always,
Reach out to three people today.
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As many of you know, I am now working fulltime to rally resources and attention to the work of Sinapis.
Sinapis equips entrepreneurs in frontier markets to build redemptive businesses that create jobs, restore dignity, and transform communities. I get a front row seat to watch leaders in Africa and other emerging markets build companies with courage, excellence, and deep faith. It’s humbling work. And I’m all in.
Because of that, I’m taking on fewer paid coaching and consulting engagements than in previous years.
But here’s what hasn’t changed. I still care deeply about major gift fundraisers. I still believe this work is sacred. And I still want to give generously of my time and tools. Especially to leaders in the global south and those serving in frontier markets.
If that sounds like you, I encourage you to take full advantage of what’s freely available. Here's where you can access a lot of content for free:
* Major Gift Fundraising MRI Scan - A story-based self-assessment to help you name your instincts, clarify your posture, and grow with intention. Takes about 20 minutes and provides a customized coaching summary.
* JappaFry Writer - A freely available AI writing partner built from 30 years of my teaching, frameworks, stories, and strategy in major gift fundraising.
* Follow me on LinkedIn - You'll get short pro-tips and reflections on major gift fundraising every day between 5-7am pacific.
* Breakthru Blog - Weekly reflections and practical guidance for those navigating the fundamentals, sacredness, and fun of major gift work.
* Breakthru Podcast - Audio readings of the blog and interviews with high-capacity givers and reflections to help you strengthen your messaging, systems, and storytelling.
If you’re serving in a frontier market or the global south and want to connect, please reply to this email. I am especially eager to encourage leaders building sustainable fundraising systems in emerging contexts.
If you’re interested in paid coaching, I still offer a limited number of sessions each month. You can find details on my website or reach out to Ivana Salloum for scheduling support.
Thank you for the work you do. I look forward to hearing about the good things unfolding in your world!
