You Don’t Have to Be Perfect
Each week I write this Breakthru Guide as a small act of devotion: to join with givers, to honor this great vocation, and to stand with the brave souls who keep showing up everyday and extending invitations.
💖Please share with your friends who are on the frontlines raising funds for amazing causes💖
Welcome to the newcomers!
(This is part 5 of the INSPIRED series - “I is for In Process”. See previous posts here.)
My friend Jack recently told me a story that still makes him wince.
He was working on water and maternal health projects in Sierra Leone and had organized a vision trip for a small group of U.S. givers and prospects. The itinerary was thoughtful and full of promise: visits to rural project sites, time with in-country staff, shared meals with community leaders. It was designed to build understanding and connection. And in many ways, it did.
But then there was a moment - one of those moments that blindsides you and punches your confidence in the gut.
The group was gathered at a local health clinic, where the community had prepared a traditional village welcome. There was drumming. Dancing. Formal speeches layered with meaning and hospitality. At one point, community leaders stepped forward with gifts for the visitors: handmade fabric, fresh fruit, symbolic tokens of gratitude. It was beautiful. Generous. Deeply intentional.
But Jack missed one crucial detail. He hadn’t prepared the group for the cultural significance of receiving these gifts - especially in a communal, honor-driven setting. So when one of the American visitors, caught off guard, politely declined the offering, the air shifted.
In the U.S., that response is familiar. A soft laugh, a wave of the hand. No, no - thank you. You keep it. But here it landed differently. What we meant as humility read as rejection.
Later that evening, Jack overheard a comment from a member of the in-country staff. They weren’t angry. Just quietly disappointed:
“They didn’t receive what we prepared.”
I couldn’t shake that sentence.
And then it compounded. Over the next 48 hours, one of the trip participants expressed frustration about the tone, the flow, and the awkwardness of the experience. For that person, the trip began to feel like a misfire.
It wasn’t just embarrassing. It was costly.
The Fundraising Life Is a Formation Path
When Jack told me this story, he didn’t sugarcoat how bad it felt in the moment. “I should’ve known,” he said. “I should’ve prepared them better.”
I empathized with Jack’s regret, but what stayed with me wasn’t just the mistake - it was how he responded to it.
He didn’t spiral. He didn’t retreat or give up. He made the phone calls. Reached back out. Clarified the meaning. Apologized. And just as importantly, asked more questions of the local partners so he could understand why it mattered so much.
In the years since, he’s become remarkably skilled at leading cross-cultural vision trips. He doesn’t always get it perfect, but he’s learned to stay in process. To move forward with winsomeness. To treat missteps as teachers instead of verdicts.
What It Means to Be In Process
You might not be planning donor trips to Sierra Leone. But if you’re fundraising at all, you’re navigating culture -
the culture of the giver,
the culture of your team,
the culture of the cause you carry.
And in that space, you will get some things wrong.
You’ll miss a cue.
Say the wrong thing.
Forget a name.
Apologize too late.
But your worth isn’t tied to your perfection.
It’s tied to your posture.
Being in process means you’re still learning. Still listening. Still willing to be shaped by the work. That’s a gift. To you. To the people you serve. And to the mission you’re carrying forward.
Because, in the end, who would you rather have raising money for a cause that matters? Someone who always thinks they’re right? Or someone who keeps growing?
A Few Questions to Stay In Process
Want to practice this way of being? Start here:
Ask yourself:
- What moment recently made me feel embarrassed - and what did I learn? You don’t have to love it. Just name it.
- Who do I trust enough to give me honest feedback? Make it easy for them. Invite it.
- Where do I assume I “should” already know something? That’s often the best place to start asking questions.
- What am I doing now that I once thought I could never do? That’s growth. Name it. Celebrate it.
You’re Still Becoming
This work is too complex - too relational, too cross-cultural - to master in a year. Or five. Or maybe ever.
But every day you stay in it - open, honest, teachable - you’re becoming a wiser, steadier, more grounded version of yourself.
So if you’ve made a mistake lately, or felt behind, or wondered whether you’re cut out for this…
Don’t quit.
Don’t overcorrect.
Staying in process is good for your spirit. And it’s essential for the mission you carry.
You’re allowed to be a work in progress.
So are the people you’re fundraising for.
So are the givers you serve.
So are all of us.
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If you haven't taken advantage of some of the resources I've created to help major gift fundraisers, take a look now! Initial calls with me are free and "no strings attached". Sometimes folks feel like they need to wait and not 'bother' me until they have a pressing issue. No need for that...just make the call. 🕺
Here's where you can access a lot of content for free:
* Major Gift Fundraising MRI Scan - A story-based self-assessment that helps you name your instincts, clarify your posture, and grow with intention. Takes less than 20 minutes and gives you a custom coaching summary based on your responses.
* JappaFry Writer - A freely available AI tool that draws from over 175 pages of original teaching, storytelling, frameworks, and strategy from my 30 year career in major gift fundraising.
* Follow me on LinkedIn - You'll get short pro-tips and reflections on major gift fundraising every day between 5-7am pacific.
* Breakthru Newsletter - As you've seen here, these are longer weekly posts (audio and written) sent directly to your email.
* Breakthru Blog - the newsletter from the previous week gets posted here each week for everyone (so email subscribers get it a week early).
* Breakthru Podcast - Interviews with high net worth givers about how we as fundraisers can get better at inviting them to the party. And audio readings of Breakthru Blog posts.
Before getting to the PAID stuff: My opinion is that no small ministry with a tight budget should be spending more than $3-5k (total) for major gift coaching/consulting. Most of you will be good-to-go spending far less than that. This was a major issue for me when I was a frontline fundraiser - major gift consultants were an expensive 'black-box-of-confusion' for me. That stops now.
Here's the PAID stuff:
* Online Catalyst Course - This is a full brain dump of my 28+ years of experience - good, bad, ugly. It's built around the fundamentals, the sacredness, and the fun, of major gift fundraising. It's infused with Henri Nouwen reflections. Many people can take this course and they will be 'cooking-with-gas' and not need any additional coaching from me on the core systems. I'm grateful that this course has gotten *great* reviews.
* Live coaching with me - I refer to this as "brain rental". The ROI on live coaching, as you might imagine, is extraordinary.
Finally, be sure to connect with my colleague Ivana Salloum. She's super awesome and can help with scheduling and access to resources, etc.
I look forward to hearing about your good work!
Blessings,
