Not That Anyone’s Counting (Except Everyone Is)

Each week, I write this Breakthru Guide as a small act of devotion:
to the vocation, to the givers, and to the brave souls who keep asking.
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Welcome to the newcomers! You can see all previous guides on The Breakthru Blog.

(This post is part of the 👻Spooky Season Series: The questions that keep us up at night😱)

Diane’s last major gift came in March. Now it’s October. Seven months. Nothing big. Nothing new.

Proposals had been sent. Conversations had begun. People nodded and smiled - and then nothing. No gifts. The fiscal year clock kept ticking and the development team pressed on. But Diane - a seasoned, thoughtful, deeply capable fundraiser - began to spiral.

“I feel like I’m doing everything right,” she said. “But when there’s radio silence from the givers, what does that say about me?”

‍When The Wind Dies Down

‍You know that little lift you get when a gift closes and the thank-you goes out?…or your CRM lights up green and the numbers finally move?

That’s the wind in your sails. And for many of us in major gift work, it’s a moment where we quietly believe: This is working.

But when gifts stall - or disappear entirely - the wind dies down.

That’s when your inner Eeyore starts to whisper:
🫢 You’re not performing.
‍😬 You’re falling behind.
‍😞 You’re the problem.

When You’re Measured by What You Can’t Control‍

Here’s the great irony of our work: We’re often measured by outcomes we don’t fully control.
We can’t make someone say yes.
We can’t predict a market dip.
We can’t hurry someone’s journey toward generosity.

But those numbers still show up - on the dashboard, in the leadership report, on the board’s slide deck.

And when they stall, even the most grounded people can start to drift.

‍What Anchors You?

‍So let’s ask the deeper question: What anchors your sense of worth when nothing is closing?

You can’t tie it to numbers alone. You can’t fake momentum. You need something steadier - something internal and intentional.

Here are three anchors to consider:

Anchor #1: Your Inputs
When outcomes stall, refocus on what you can control - your inputs*.

• Did you make the call?
• Did you listen well?
• Did you write with clarity?
• Did you send the impact report?

This has always been the real work: building trust, sharing stories, and planting seeds for future gifts. Because if all you measure is dollars raised, you will burn out.

‍Anchor #2: Your Posture

‍How you show up in the waiting season matters just as much as how you show up during the wins.

• Did you stay curious?
• Did you resist pressure tactics?
• Did you keep your spirit soft, even when the spreadsheet was screaming?

Givers can feel it. So can your team. So can your body.

Your posture - internal and external - is a form of leadership.

Anchor #3: Your Purpose

‍Even when no gift comes in, hold to this: You’re here to offer an invitation, not extract resources.

You’re here to honor relationships, not pressure outcomes.

You’re here because you believe this work matters  - regardless of how long it takes.

If your sense of value rises and falls with the giving cycle, it will always be at risk. But when it’s rooted in calling, consistency, and connection - you become unshakable.

‍A Note on Grief

‍Sometimes, the gift doesn’t just delay - it disappears.The giver goes silent. A promising prospect backs out. An expected “yes” turns into a baffling “not at this time.”

It’s okay to grieve those losses. Let yourself feel the disappointment without layering on shame. It doesn’t mean you failed.

‍It means you're human. And human hearts don’t measure time the way dashboards do.

A Blessing for the Numbers-Low Season

If you’re in a dry stretch -
If the dashboard is empty -
If the question of your worth feels louder than your own voice…
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Then may you remember:
‍You are not your metrics.
You are not your pending gifts.
You are not defined by who says yes - or when.
You are a steward of a sacred invitation.
A builder of trust.‍A bringer of vision and courage.

‍And yes - you’re doing better than you think.

* If you’d like to delve deeper on what I mean about measuring inputs, here are three additional posts to explore:
- Measure Twice, Then Invite
‍- Ditch Your (fundraising) Targets
‍- What I Missed In Last Week’s Guide

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‍If you haven't taken advantage of some of the resources I've created to help major gift fundraisers, take a look now!  Initial calls with me are free and "no strings attached".  Sometimes folks feel like they need to wait and not 'bother' me until they have a pressing issue.  No need for that...just make the call. 🕺

‍Here's where you can access a lot of content for free:

* Major Gift Fundraising MRI Scan - A story-based self-assessment that helps you name your instincts, clarify your posture, and grow with intention. Takes less than 20 minutes and gives you a custom coaching summary based on your responses.

* JappaFry Writer - A freely available AI tool that draws from over 175 pages of original teaching, storytelling, frameworks, and strategy from my 30 year career in major gift fundraising.

‍* Follow me on LinkedIn - You'll get short pro-tips and reflections on major gift fundraising every day between 5-7am pacific.

* Breakthru Newsletter - As you've seen here, these are longer weekly posts (audio and written) sent directly to your email.

* Breakthru Blog - the newsletter from the previous week gets posted here each week for everyone (so email subscribers get it a week early).

* Breakthru Podcast - Interviews with high net worth givers about how we as fundraisers can get better at inviting them to the party.  And audio readings of Breakthru Blog posts.

‍Before getting to the PAID stuff: My opinion is that no small ministry with a tight budget should be spending more than $3-5k (total) for major gift coaching/consulting.  Most of you will be good-to-go spending far less than that.  This was a major issue for me when I was a frontline fundraiser - major gift consultants were an expensive 'black-box-of-confusion' for me.  That stops now.

‍Here's the PAID stuff:

‍* Online Catalyst Course - This is a full brain dump of my 28+ years of experience - good, bad, ugly.  It's built around the fundamentals, the sacredness, and the fun, of major gift fundraising.  It's infused with Henri Nouwen reflections.  Many people can take this course and they will be 'cooking-with-gas' and not need any additional coaching from me on the core systems.  I'm grateful that this course has gotten *great* reviews.

* Live coaching with me - I refer to this as "brain rental".  The ROI on live coaching, as you might imagine, is extraordinary.

Finally, be sure to connect with my colleague Ivana Salloum.  She's super awesome and can help with scheduling and access to resources, etc.

I look forward to hearing about your good work!

Blessings,