What's Your Relationship Rhythm?
The Major Gift Fundraising MRI opens with a deceptively simple question:“Which posture feels more like your current approach to relationships?”
Your choices are:
A. I often move toward invitation when I sense strong readiness or timing.
OR
B. I tend to invest more time in rapport and shared experience before making any kind of invitation.
It’s a simple choice - but reveals a lot.
The question isn’t about choosing the right answer (there isn’t one). It’s about naming your real rhythm.
What This Question Reveals
Your ‘relationship rhythm’ is the internal clock that tells you when a connection is strong enough to invite someone to give.
Some of us move quickly - not out of pressure, but because we trust our instincts. We sense readiness. We trust the timing.
Others need more time - we look for alignment, mutuality, and signals beyond politeness.
Both postures are valid - but when they go unnamed, they can lead to confusion or self-doubt.
Have you ever asked:
– “Am I waiting too long?”
– “Am I moving too fast?”
– “Why can’t I tell if this relationship is ready?”
This isn’t just about wording or strategy - it’s about rhythm: the deeper timing of invitation.
The Power of Story-Based Reflection
After choosing your posture, the MRI asks you to elaborate more by responding to these additional questions:
- What feels natural or energizing about the way you build relationships?
- What feels unclear, hard, or inconsistent in this area?
This is where the gold lives.
We’ve seen people name deep truths:
– “I love hearing givers’ stories. But I don’t always know how to transition to the invitation.”
– “I feel a lot of pressure to move faster than feels natural.”
– “I trust my instincts, but sometimes I second-guess them later.”
These aren’t technical problems. They’re rhythm problems. And they’re fixable - but only if you start by naming them.
Where Rhythm Goes Off Track
In coaching conversations, I often see three relationship rhythm breakdowns:
1.The Premature Ask
You sense opportunity and move quickly - but you haven’t paused to gauge the giver’s internal readiness. The ask wasn’t wrong. It was just too soon.
2. The Endless Cultivation Loop
You thrive in building rapport - but hesitate to move into clear partnership. You wait for a perfect moment. Meanwhile, some givers are waiting for you to name the next step.
3. The Mixed Signal Spiral
You shift gears midstream - moving fast with one giver, slow with another - and end up feeling inconsistent, anxious, or unsure if your instincts can be trusted.
The solution isn’t a new tactic.
It’s reflection.
Honest naming.
Gentle rhythm recalibration.
A Spiritual Rhythm
In the sacred framing of this work, the invitation is never transactional.
It’s not a pitch.
It’s a moment of shared discernment.
Are we being invited to build something together?
And is now the time?
You don’t need a formula for that. But you do need to practice listening - to the giver, to the Spirit, and to your own interior signal.
The Major Gift Fundraising MRI is one way to do that.
If any of this sounds familiar, you're not alone.
The good news? Awareness is the first breakthrough.
Start Your Assessment
The Major Gift Fundraising MRI is a short, story-based assessment designed to help you:
- Understand your instincts
- Surface your tensions
- Spot your blind spots
- Build more consistent momentum
You’ll answer five sets of questions - each with a narrative reflection - and receive a summary report based on your patterns.
You can take it for free. If you like deeper insight, I offer written feedback or live coaching for a fee.
🧭 Take the Major Gift Fundraising MRI
→ Start the MRI Assessment here
You don’t need to be perfect to grow. You just need to be curious enough to ask how you’re really doing.
Start with your rhythm.
It might be telling you more than you think.
* * * * * * * * * *
If you haven't taken advantage of some of the resources I've created to help major gift fundraisers, take a look now! Initial calls with me are free and "no strings attached". Sometimes folks feel like they need to wait and not 'bother' me until they have a pressing issue. No need for that...just make the call. 🕺
Here's where you can access a lot of content for free:
* JappaFry Writer - A freely available AI tool that draws from over 175 pages of original teaching, storytelling, frameworks, and strategy from my 30 year career in major gift fundraising.
* Follow me on LinkedIn - You'll get short pro-tips and reflections on major gift fundraising every day between 5-7am pacific.
* Breakthru Newsletter - As you've seen here, these are longer weekly posts (audio and written) sent directly to your email.
* Breakthru Blog - the newsletter from the previous week gets posted here each week for everyone (so email subscribers get it a week early).
* Breakthru Podcast - Interviews with high net worth givers about how we as fundraisers can get better at inviting them to the party. And audio readings of Breakthru Blog posts.
Before getting to the PAID stuff: My opinion is that no small ministry with a tight budget should be spending more than $3-5k (total) for major gift coaching/consulting. Most of you will be good-to-go spending far less than that. This was a major issue for me when I was a frontline fundraiser - major gift consultants were an expensive 'black-box-of-confusion' for me. That stops now.
Here's the PAID stuff:
* Online Catalyst Course - This is a full brain dump of my 28+ years of experience - good, bad, ugly. It's built around the fundamentals, the sacredness, and the fun, of major gift fundraising. It's infused with Henri Nouwen reflections. Many people can take this course and they will be 'cooking-with-gas' and not need any additional coaching from me on the core systems. I'm grateful that this course has gotten *great* reviews.
* Live coaching with me - I refer to this as "brain rental". The ROI on live coaching, as you might imagine, is extraordinary.
Finally, be sure to connect with my colleague Ivana Salloum. She's super awesome and can help with scheduling and access to resources, etc.
I look forward to hearing about your good work!
Blessings,
