The Invitation
This is post #5 of The Clear-Eyed Series: An Exit Strategy from Confusion
If you’re new here, you can read the first post here: “What Counts as a Good Week in Major Gift Fundraising?”
Over several weeks we’re taking a clear-eyed look at the work itself - not a checklist to complete or a new system to master, but a steady way of orienting ourselves when anxiety creeps in.
And if you’ve been around for a while, consider this a weekly invitation to slow down, take stock, and remember what the work really is.
It was 1998. I was on a train in Morocco at the end of a vision trip with some prospective givers.
We had traveled well together. A bullfight in Malaga (which I would not recommend). A ferry across the Mediterranean to Tangiers. The layered magic of Marrakech. Long meals. Long conversations. Enough shared experience to sense that something real was forming.
Somewhere between Casablanca and Fez, I found myself seated across from the primary decision-maker and his wife. No one else in our compartment. Just the low hum of the train and miles of countryside sliding past the window.
I took a breath and asked, “So when would be a good time for us to talk about a potential proposal?”
He smiled. “Now seems like as good a time as any.”
So we talked. About what we had seen. About what had stirred him. About what felt meaningful.
And then I put it out there, “How about $350,000 over three years?”
He nodded. “Yeah, go ahead and send us a proposal like that.”
That was it.
I remember sitting back, trying not to look stunned. This is so much easier than I thought! If I’m honest, I felt proud. Maybe even a little cocky. I thought I had cracked the code.
What I didn’t understand then is that the ease of that moment had very little to do with me.
It had much more to do with alignment:
* A relationship that was already strong
* A mission that resonated
* Real financial capacity
* Timing that simply made sense
I wasn’t executing some masterful strategy. I was winging it. And, in truth, I probably got lucky.
It reminds me of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation when Chevy Chase finally, after endlessly failed attempts, dramatically jams the extension cord into place and the entire house lights up. “Everybody come out! Quick, look at the lights!”
That was me on that train.
The lights came on. But I didn’t yet understand why.
These days, I recognize those alignment dynamics when they’re present.
And there’s something steadying about understanding why a gift lands. The mystery fades. The ego quiets. You stop trying to manufacture outcomes.
You stop treating the ask as a tactic to execute.
And start treating it as sacred.
How Does The Ask Become Sacred?
My summary response: When the relationship is strong enough to hold it.
When you’ve done the quiet, patient discovery work. When you understand what is unfolding in a giver’s life - their family, their pressures, their hopes. When you’ve wrestled honestly with what you want for them before you focus on what you hope to receive from them.
A transactional ask begins with wealth.
A sacred invitation begins with alignment.
Transactional asks are fueled by access and urgency.
Sacred invitations are shaped by awareness and discernment.
When you realize the alignment is real, something shifts. Other options lose their pull. The partnership feels purposeful rather than impulsive. It carries weight. It becomes clear.
And that’s when you realize - this isn’t about closing a deal. It’s about calling someone into something that already fits.
Beware of your internal landscape
Before many important conversations, I pray something like this:
Creator, give me as much love and compassion as I can bear for those I’m about to meet. Help me to truly see them and love them. Give me the fortitude to pass on the ask if they are meant to support something else.
I pray that way because my internal landscape is not neutral.
There is jealousy.
Suspicion.
They wouldn’t even miss this amount.
Why is that money just sitting in a DAF?
They just like having control.
If those thoughts go unexamined, they don’t disappear. They leak. They slip into your tone. Your timing. Your posture.
The invitation stops being sacred and starts losing its integrity.
You stop seeing a person.
You start seeing a wallet.
But if you’ve done the hard work - discovery, relationship-building, self-examination - you can walk into an ask calmly.
You can be clear without being sharp.
Courageous without being forceful.
Open without being manipulative.
And you can receive a yes or a no without shrinking, without posturing - because the sacred part was never the outcome.
It was awareness of the alignment.
This is sacred work.
Two people standing in trust, discerning together what generosity looks like in this moment.
The ask does not define the relationship.
The relationship defines the ask.
So I encourage you to do the good inner work some people skip.
Notice what rises in you - ambition, comparison, anxiety, pride.
Name it.
Disarm it.
Then walk into the conversation and look at them with love.
Because when love leads, pressure loses its edge. The invitation becomes clean. The outcome becomes secondary.
This is sacred work.
Alright friends - I’m pulling for you this week and praying for favor in all you do!
And remember:
Reach out to three people today.
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As many of you know, I am now working fulltime to rally resources and attention to the work of Sinapis.
Sinapis equips entrepreneurs in frontier markets to build redemptive businesses that create jobs, restore dignity, and transform communities. I get a front row seat to watch leaders in Africa and other emerging markets build companies with courage, excellence, and deep faith. It’s humbling work. And I’m all in.
Because of that, I’m taking on fewer paid coaching and consulting engagements than in previous years.
But here’s what hasn’t changed. I still care deeply about major gift fundraisers. I still believe this work is sacred. And I still want to give generously of my time and tools. Especially to leaders in the global south and those serving in frontier markets.
If that sounds like you, I encourage you to take full advantage of what’s freely available. Here's where you can access a lot of content for free:
* Major Gift Fundraising MRI Scan - A story-based self-assessment to help you name your instincts, clarify your posture, and grow with intention. Takes about 20 minutes and provides a customized coaching summary.
* JappaFry Writer - A freely available AI writing partner built from 30 years of my teaching, frameworks, stories, and strategy in major gift fundraising.
* Follow me on LinkedIn - You'll get short pro-tips and reflections on major gift fundraising every day between 5-7am pacific.
* Breakthru Blog - Weekly reflections and practical guidance for those navigating the fundamentals, sacredness, and fun of major gift work.
* Breakthru Podcast - Audio readings of the blog and interviews with high-capacity givers and reflections to help you strengthen your messaging, systems, and storytelling.
If you’re serving in a frontier market or the global south and want to connect, please reply to this email. I am especially eager to encourage leaders building sustainable fundraising systems in emerging contexts.
If you’re interested in paid coaching, I still offer a limited number of sessions each month. You can find details on my website or reach out to Ivana Salloum for scheduling support.
Thank you for the work you do. I look forward to hearing about the good things unfolding in your world!
