How to Stay Open to What You Didn’t Expect
Each week I write this Breakthru Guide as a small act of devotion: to join with givers, to honor this great vocation, and to stand with the brave souls who keep showing up everyday and extending invitations.
💖Please share with your friends who are on the frontlines raising funds for amazing causes💖
Welcome to the newcomers!
(This is part 3 of the INSPIRED series - “S is for Surprised”. See previous posts here.)
Two years ago, they gave $35,000. Last year, $30,000.
Steady giving. Strong trust. A relationship that felt alive and mutual.
This year, though, there was only silence.
I had reached out in quiet, thoughtful ways - a few emails, a handwritten note with program updates, even a birthday message - but nothing came back. Gradually, I started to wonder if the connection had faded.
Then one afternoon in early December, I felt a small nudge: Call them.
So I did. And to my surprise, they answered.
What followed was one of the warmest conversations we’d had in months - easy laughter, honest sharing, and that familiar rhythm that reminded me we’d never really lost the relationship at all.
And then - an unexpected turn.
They shared that their family had just made the largest charitable gift they’d ever given… to another organization. A cause they’d followed and supported for years had launched a bold new initiative, and they felt called to stretch in a new direction.
They still planned to support our work - but for now, the possibility of a larger gift was off the table.
I’ll be honest..that part stung. It wasn’t the ending I had imagined. But here’s what I’ve come to believe:
Surprise isn’t the enemy of fundraising.
Disconnection is.
This was not a loss - it was a moment of connection.
They didn’t owe me their story. They didn’t have to answer the phone. They didn’t have to explain the silence or share where their giving had gone.
But they did.They let me in.
And that’s what mattered most.
Surprises Will Come
Some arrive as gifts from nowhere. Some appear as canceled meetings or delayed checks. Some seem like silence - until suddenly, a moment opens.
We can’t manufacture these moments. But we can stay present enough to receive them.
And sometimes that’s the whole job:
To hold space for surprise.
Three Postures of Surprise
If you’re moving through one of those weeks - where meetings shift, gifts stall, and plans go sideways - hold this close:
This week will bring unexpected moments of connection.
Here are three ways to make room for that to become true:
1. Keep reaching out, even when it feels quiet.
The best surprises rarely announce themselves. They grow from quiet, faithful moments - a handwritten note, a voice message, a gentle check-in. None of it is wasted. It’s all seed.
2. Let people surprise you.
A giver’s story is never finished. Sometimes, what they need most is simply room to be honest. You don’t have to perform. You just have to listen.
3. Stay open to joy that wasn’t on the calendar.
The most important connection you make this week may not be the one you scheduled. It may not come with numbers or recognition attached. But it will be real - and it will shape something lasting.
The Work Is Relationship
Surprise will always be part of this work - not because we’re unprepared, but because we’re working with real people.
People change. People stretch. People make decisions we can’t control. And in every surprise - the joyful ones and the difficult ones - connection can still break through.
That’s the sacred thread.
This week, may we stay open.
May we stay curious.
And may we receive what we’re given - even when it isn’t what we expected.
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If you haven't taken advantage of some of the resources I've created to help major gift fundraisers, take a look now! Initial calls with me are free and "no strings attached". Sometimes folks feel like they need to wait and not 'bother' me until they have a pressing issue. No need for that...just make the call. 🕺
Here's where you can access a lot of content for free:
* Major Gift Fundraising MRI Scan - A story-based self-assessment that helps you name your instincts, clarify your posture, and grow with intention. Takes less than 20 minutes and gives you a custom coaching summary based on your responses.
* JappaFry Writer - A freely available AI tool that draws from over 175 pages of original teaching, storytelling, frameworks, and strategy from my 30 year career in major gift fundraising.
* Follow me on LinkedIn - You'll get short pro-tips and reflections on major gift fundraising every day between 5-7am pacific.
* Breakthru Newsletter - As you've seen here, these are longer weekly posts (audio and written) sent directly to your email.
* Breakthru Blog - the newsletter from the previous week gets posted here each week for everyone (so email subscribers get it a week early).
* Breakthru Podcast - Interviews with high net worth givers about how we as fundraisers can get better at inviting them to the party. And audio readings of Breakthru Blog posts.
Before getting to the PAID stuff: My opinion is that no small ministry with a tight budget should be spending more than $3-5k (total) for major gift coaching/consulting. Most of you will be good-to-go spending far less than that. This was a major issue for me when I was a frontline fundraiser - major gift consultants were an expensive 'black-box-of-confusion' for me. That stops now.
Here's the PAID stuff:
* Online Catalyst Course - This is a full brain dump of my 28+ years of experience - good, bad, ugly. It's built around the fundamentals, the sacredness, and the fun, of major gift fundraising. It's infused with Henri Nouwen reflections. Many people can take this course and they will be 'cooking-with-gas' and not need any additional coaching from me on the core systems. I'm grateful that this course has gotten *great* reviews.
* Live coaching with me - I refer to this as "brain rental". The ROI on live coaching, as you might imagine, is extraordinary.
Finally, be sure to connect with my colleague Ivana Salloum. She's super awesome and can help with scheduling and access to resources, etc.
I look forward to hearing about your good work!
Blessings,
